Wednesday, 21 March 2012
I"m imagining myself standing in an empty classroom, perhaps one of the music theory classrooms from my alma mater, and writing on the whiteboard over and over and over and over: I WILL NOT EAT. I WILL NOT EAT.
I'm not anorexic, I just have a snacking problem. A REALLY BIG snacking problem. I need to spend a LOT more time telling myself not to eat. Mostly it's the eating to procrastinate and eating out of boredom. Some people like to get high instead of doing their homework...I eat instead, because it's cheaper and it's legal and I've been doing it since I was 12 years old to suppress various emotions.
AAAUAUUUUGHHHHHHHH. *metal scream*
I wish I had a good girl metal scream. I can do a great high-pitched blood-curdling scream that would wake up everybody within a 2-mile radius...does that count? I pity the eardrums of any man who would try to rape me.
Fucking gawd, it's 8:15...I still haven't done my second clarinet practicing session today, so I better git down to it and then finish this fucking marketing homework assignment. WHY CAN'T I JUST DO SHIT WHEN IT'S DUE??
I like practicing my clarinet because it makes me feel like the olden days when I was fucking disciplined and a hardcore classical musician and pulled good grades and was skinny. What happened?? It seems like I was superhuman.
OH that's right...I had a nervous breakdown from trying to do too much shit. And then found out I had OCD and was seriously depressed, and blah blah blah.
Well, at least I can still play. It only takes me a week or so to start getting my chops back, and my fingers will ALWAYS remember. I can still rip up and down a chromatic scale like my hands are possessed. Bragging time over though: I'm way out of shape, on my clarinet and with the rest of my motor functions (i.e. fitness in general).
But nothing worth having was ever easy.