Thursday, 18 April 2013
You know what is REALLY fucking pissing me off today? The ads on Lovelyish. I have seen pop-up hover-over ads and little embedded videos all over the place, but these take the annoying cake, hands down. So I clicked on an article about weird avant-garde makeup. It has a photo gallery. I would like to look at the photos. First of all, there’s the 2 banner ads at the top, one with an embedded video, and then another one for Nordstrom that blocks both the top part of the picture in the article, and the scrolling ad underneath it on the side for Expedia because I happened to Google hotels in Grand Junction, Colorado yesterday. Then there are 2 more sidebar ads. THEN, and this is when it really gets good….every single time there is a picture in a Lovelyish article, there is a pop-up ad ON TOP OF THE PICTURE. Usually it’s just in the bottom third, but you have to click the X in the corner on EVERY SINGLE PICTURE ON ANY LOVELYISH ARTICLE EVER. They seem to all be for L’Oreal. Then, a new development on the article today…each time I view a new picture in the gallery, an ad for L’Oreal “Wild Ombre” hair dye covers up the entire picture for 15 seconds, does its little animation, and I CAN’T FUCKING CLOSE IT. I am FORCED to watch the goddamned ad EVERY TIME I LOOK AT A PICTURE.
It’s unreal. I have never seen so many ads literally *on top of* website content. I took about a yearlong hiatus from Xanga, and when I came back, I noticed that there are hardly any comments on Lovelyish articles anymore. I can’t help but wonder if this is because all of us chicks are tired of having L’Oreal ads shoved down our fucking throats every time we so much as try to read an article. It gets really damned old, really fast. How are you going to comment on an article, especially one with a picture gallery, if you can’t even get through all the pictures because you’re so irritated? Exactly.
But my FAVORITE is the “Just Cavalli” perfume ad. If, and God forbid you should accidentally do this whilst trying to get your mouse pointer to the top of the page…IF you so much as touch one pixel of this Just Cavalli video ad with your mouse, the video becomes full screen. And I mean FULL FUCKING SCREEN…can’t see the title bar or the start bar at the bottom of your screen. So if I accidentally pass over this ad, all of a sudden Georgia May Jagger and her stupid fucking gap-toothed face and skinny ass* are taking up my whole screen. Not only that, but she is hardly wearing any clothes in parts of this ad, so suddenly, if one of my co-workers were to walk by, it looks like I’m watching softcore full-screen.**
*I apologize to Georgia May for the dig on her orthodontic issues. But you know what? I’m sick of the fact that skinny girls with butt-ugly faces can make millions as models, whereas my face will never do me any good because my ribs aren’t showing. So fuck you, modeling industry; and fuck you, skinny girls that complain about people making fun of your looks. Try being fat for a day and then tell me you don’t have an advantage.
**I realize I should not be on Lovelyish at work. I am a bad naughty employee. I realize I should not be blogging either, but it only takes about 10 minutes to type one up because I type about a million words per minute. No bragging or anything, but…
SO ANYWAYS, that is what is fucking pissing me off today. That and the shitty weather. I think over my lunch break, since I am having green juice for lunch, I will sip my pureed veggies and go look at floodwater. That is how much it rained yesterday. It is an insane amount of rain. Once again, as I’ve said a thousand times before, I cannot fucking wait until I can move to the desert.
What’s pissing YOU off today?
Monday, 15 April 2013
Well, I am recovering from a weekend road trip. It was pretty fun, except when my fiance and I had a little come-to-Jesus moment when he basically told me that he feels like a fuck-up and like he will never achieve his dreams because he's too old and has made too many mistakes. Kind of broke my heart. Actually, his mom was talking to both of us this weekend about how she worked at a hospital years ago where the janitor was a guy who had served prison time for murder. But he got out, did a 180 and cleaned up his life, became a good person, and was a given a second chance...and we discussed how that mentality doesn't exist anymore, at least not in this country. If you fucked up once, GOD FORBID you should be allowed to MOVE ON, find a decent job, and get your life back on track. The system doesn't allow it.
But I digress. We took a road trip to Honey Creek State Park/Resort in Moravia, Iowa because we are considering it as a wedding location if plan A (Grand Canyon) turns out to be impossible. Very nice place, and the lady who showed us around was very nice too. The place was just built in 2008, and the lake is manmade, which I was not aware of. They have a beautiful hotel, an indoor water park, golf course, all kinds of trails, and the rental for our venues would only come to a total of $300 (which, of course, does not include food, but is still really cheap for such a nice place). Guest rooms the first weekend of October would be $109, which would not be out of the question for most of our travelling guests, which was also good news.
Then, since we were only about 20 miles away from the Missouri border, we decided to drive into Missouri. Then, since we were in Missouri, we decided to head west to St. Joseph to visit my future mother-in-law. I'm glad we went to see her because her 60th birthday is in a week and she's recently lost over 100 pounds and has a lot more energy so I think she spends a lot of time alone and was happy that we stopped in. Her current hobby (along with video games) is African violets...she has about 15 of them in little pots in her kitchen and she gave me one to take home. I have always liked African violets; they remind me of my grandma Esther. I just hope our black cat doesn't eat the thing...I already caught him trying to eat a leaf in the middle of the night on the table next to my bed. He is a crafty little fucker.
So we spent the night there, which saved us money for a hotel, and then on the way back we stopped in Des Moines to peruse Half-Price Books and Barnes & Noble, and went home and crashed. It was fun; I like taking a trip where we don't have a very strict itinerary and can kind of do whatever we want.
His mom wasn't terribly fond of the Grand Canyon idea, though. She basically said she doesn't think we can do what we think we can do on a reasonable budget. And she said she most likely wouldn't be able to come. Great...but he still wants to do it in Arizona, and if it doesn't bother him that his mom can't be there, then we're still going to try to go ahead with that. There's still a lot of research to be done. She said we should do what makes us happy, and he did tell me beforehand that she might not go if we decided to pursue the Grand Canyon idea. So I'm torn.
This week, once again, I am working on Monday. Really could have used today off, but whatever. My 3-day weekend will have to be postponed to NEXT weekend. Sigh.
Also, me and one of my coworkers have been saddled with a pretty big project at work, but we get bonus pay, which I hope will be worth it. Basically we are organizing/coordinating/marketing/running a one-day majorly blowout clearance pricing sale on guitars, amps, and used audio equipment at the warehouse. very straightforward, no returns, totally as-is, what you see is what you get. I've been going over the item list today, and I am soooooooooo tempted to buy an electric guitar that it's not even funny. But the only ones I could even remotely justify spending the money on right now when my fiance is unemployed are beginner J. Reynolds electrics (not that great of a guitar, no amp included), or a Squier Affinity Strat with a 15-watt amp. But I am, after all, a beginner, and I HIGHLY doubt I will ever play with a band. I have just always wanted an electric guitar to fuck around on and learn how to play. I mean, we must REEEEEEALLY want to get rid of these J. Reynolds ones, because we're selling them for $50-$75. CHEAP.
Anyway, somehow I have made it to the lunch hour so I'm out for awhile. Happy Monday, kiddos!
Monday, 08 April 2013
NEWS UPDATES in the life of this particular Iowa resident:
1. Going to visit a possible wedding venue this weekend. Yayyyy mini road-trip!
2. I got a haircut yesterday...got a sort of half-hawk. She actually shaved the side of my head. I think it kicks ass :) It kind of looks like this:
3. bought Manic Panic Wildfire, which I am going to mix with Electric Banana to see what sort of wacky shit I can get going on with the awful grown-out faded color I have right now.
4. New idea has been presented: very small, private, destination wedding at the Grand Canyon. FUCK YES. I really want to make that work.
That's all for now, working til 8 p.m. tonight. Yuck. Later, dudes.
Thursday, 04 April 2013
I am going to TRY to be productive today; not making any promises.
I need to bleach my roots, but I can’t afford to spend money on hair dye until next payday, so it looks pretty rough right now. Faded yellow and orange with mousy dark blonde roots. HOT. I parted my hair on the opposite side this morning, and I thought about every hair article I’ve ever read in a women’s magazine. They’re all like “Take a chance: dye your hair! (But not too bright because then people might think you’re weird)” Or, “Shake up your routine! Part it on the other side!” As if that is some huge deal. But I guess for some people, they have a comfort zone with their appearance and they don’t like to step out of it. So I shouldn’t laugh at them, because I totally understand that concept. But when I take a chance, it’s more like shaving part of my head or mixing 3 leftover colors of dye together to make green or purple or something like that. But we can’t all be freaks, now, can we? Because that would take all the fun out of it for those of us that are
Thankfully, today I have a Deftones song stuck in my head (which also happens to be the next single they released off of their album, so now that’s 2 songs that I can hear once in a blue moon on the radio). They are one of my favorite bands because they have such a wide range of sounds, and ALL of them are great. Chino’s voice can pierce your soul with a scream and then melt it to mush in a strained whisper, all in the same song. There are still a couple albums of theirs that I don’t have, which is a shame because I want ALL of it. There’s so much music I want to download/buy, but I never have the money to spend on it. Maybe when I get my tax refund I’ll treat myself to a couple of CDs. And yes, I still use CDs. I like the album art and having the lyrics in my hand. And I think it’s funny that “Koi No Yokan” (latest album) has a parental advisory sticker, because there are scant few swear words. Not a single “fuck” on the whole album. But the whole thing drips with sensuousness, lust, and implied sex. It doesn’t come right out and say “hey baby let’s fuck” (like so many stupid rap and pop songs do—just hit you over the head with it). You have to listen to the words and feel it and figure out for yourself “ahhhhh, he’s talking about that.” And the fact that the record still gets labeled as inappropriate for youngsters speaks to the power of music and innuendo to say what people aren’t going to come right out and say plainly. It still gets the message across loud and clear.
In other news, my mom left me a voicemail that she wants to discuss some “business matters.” Great. I am 99% sure I know what this means. I have been getting collection calls multiple times per day from Iowa Student Loan and the collection agency that Victoria’s Secret passed my Angel Card account to after I couldn’t pay it for a few months. I also have a Wal-Mart card and Best-buy card (neither of which I use anymore; learned my lesson)…but of COURSE, the one that goes as far as to look up my mom’s cell phone AND land line and call her had to be the card issued by the LINGERIE STORE. Of COURSE. So she’s going to call me because my debts have been bugging HER. I know she is just trying to help, but I wish she would just ignore the calls, not answer them, and let me deal with it on my own. It makes me feel like a child when we have to talk about MY financial problems. I’m 27. I’ll deal with it. It may not be in the way that she sees fit, but it’s my problem and I would like to handle it myself. Sigh. At least I have parents that care about me. I’m not bitching about that aspect of it at all, and I am very thankful for my parents.
Feeling philosophical? Check this out: http://www.hightowerflashes.com/untranslateablewords.html
Words that are untranslatable into English. Beautiful words. But then I have always loved words more than the average bear. “Koi no yokan” and “Toska” are my absolute favorites. I have felt both of these on a profound level. When I read Nabokov’s definition of “toska,” I read a description of what I feel in my darkest hours.
Toska - noun /ˈtō-skə/ - Russian word roughly translated as sadness, melancholia, lugubriousness.
-- "No single word in English renders all the shades of toska. At its deepest and most painful, it is a sensation of great spiritual anguish, often without any specific cause. At less morbid levels it is a dull ache of the soul, a longing with nothing to long for, a sick pining, a vague restlessness, mental throes, yearning. In particular cases it may be the desire for somebody of something specific, nostalgia, love-sickness. At the lowest level it grades into ennui, boredom.” -- Vladimir Nabokov
And “koi no yokan”…what a beautiful thing. It is not as rash and impulsive as love at first sight; it’s that sense when you meet someone, and you don’t feel it yet, but you just know that something big is going to develop. You feel the seed planted and stirring in the soil, though the rose has yet to bloom. There is no English equivalent to that other than a paragraph.
It occurs to me that most of my blog entries are just random rambling, which is probably why I can never come up with a good title. I should title them all "stuff." But it's a good way to empty my mind a little bit. Peace out y'all.
Wednesday, 03 April 2013
Well, I pulled on my trusty favorite jeans this morning...32W x 35L, just long enough but not too long to step on, dark wash, cute butt pockets...and I practically had to dance to get into them. HUGE muffin top. They are cutting off my circulation.
This is bullshit, and it ends now.
And the worst part is...I have done it to myself.
I have been checking out a really interesting blog lately called The No-Sugar Sweet Life. And I think that it's time for sugar to go. It is my ultimate nemesis. My cravings and my sugar consumption are totally out of control, and I can admit that to myself. Last night I sat down and ate half a pan of brownies (an 8x8 pan, but STILL NOT COOL). See? Even there is the justification. "Oh, it was only the 8x8 pan, could've been worse." "I'm really stressed because my fiance is temporarily unemployed." "I was really good all day." "I'm too tired to go to the gym."
In the past, I have taken the "never cut anything out completely" mentality in regards to what I eat. I thought that if I cut out all of my faves completely, I would go nuts. We're talking ice cream, brownies, cookies, Oatmeal Cream Pies (fuck you, Little Debbie, you misleading cunt), milkshakes, cake, all of that stuff. And I've discovered by evaluating my thoughts lately that I have a famine mentality toward sugar and carbs. It's like I'm afraid they are going to be taken away at any minute, so I feel subconsciously that I need to eat as much of the junk as I can now because it will soon be snatched away from me.
Whenever I mention that I'm toying around with the idea of cutting out all the processed sugar and white flour, I hear this same thing from every single person I tell this idea to: "You can't cut out ALL of it, or you won't stick do it. You'll go nuts and end up bingeing." Even weight loss and diet gurus say this. Well, different things work for different people, and my relationship with food is not normal. For me, junk food (primarily SUGAR) is to me what a bottle of Jack is to an alcoholic. I can't have just one. I can't consume in moderation. It's not a matter of "just have one brownie and put the rest away and forget about them." Because I can't forget about them. And NO, it is not a matter of willpower, it's matter of an addiction mentality. You can be addicted to carbs just like you can be addicted to alcohol or drugs. Addiction =/= Character Weakness.
Well, guess what? There will always be sweets in the world. But what I need to teach myself through DOING IT is that I can live without them. I don't need them. They will always be there and thus the temptation will always be present, but I don't NEED to give in, and I don't NEED to eat sugar to live a full life and be happy. In fact, I would probably be much happier without it controlling my thoughts and my diet day in and day out.
I'm just so fed up with all of this. Ever since that first time I ate Little Debbie cakes to comfort me and numb my emotions around age 11 or 12, it was a downward spiral and I have been fighting it ever since, whether I'm aware of that fact or not. It sounds stupid, but I'm tired of sugar and carbs controlling my fucking life.
This is why I get so pissed off when people who have never had weight problems, addictions, or eating issues just assume that this means NO ONE has those problems. That is a load of crap. Fat =/= Lazy. Even when I was fat in high school, I pretty much kicked ass in other areas of life (mostly academically and musically) through discipline and hard work. Not all fat people are lazy, just like not all skinny people are gym bunnies or starving themselves.
I weighed myself this morning, and it made me cry. Exactly 256.00 pounds (I'm 5'11"). I can't do this anymore. Getting dressed in the morning sucks ass because everything looks like ass. I get a little bit winded climbing the 3 flights of stairs to our apartment. My feet hurt. I'm making myself miserable and I'm the only one who can make it change. I think I needed a little come-to-Jesus moment.
I am getting married in September or October, and I do NOT want to be overweight, unhealthy, and unhappy with myself. I don't want to look back at my wedding pics and think to myself "God, was I ever fat."